I Wish We’d Been Wrong on Disney – The American Spectator

On Jul 15, 2023

Thirty years ago, before the term “woke” was coined into the American lexicon, when “virtue signaling” was unknown, and when (mostly white) boys and men weren’t quite yet considered the root of all evil, the Disney corporation floated the idea of an American heritage theme park located a few miles from the Manassas, Virginia, battlefield memorial site.

This produced a huge outcry from residents — who did not want the traffic and commercialism such a theme park would bring — and serious objections from eminent historians, including David McCullough and Doris Kearns Goodwin. Surprised at the pushback and concerned about the poor performance of Euro Disney, the corporation backed off. Those who revered the historical significance of the area won out — Disney’s America was never built. (Suburban development slowly took place, and the area now boasts pricey homes and shopping centers. Well, a small victory, anyway.)

The Civil War reenacting community had been quite vocal about the loss of this site to a sanitized and politically correct Disney interpretation. As a part of that community, and the editor of his (Union) group’s newsletter, my husband and I wrote what was, at the time, an over-the-top prediction of just how such a Disney park would actually play out. Today, the article reads as prescient.

This year, those trying to recreate the Battle of Gettysburg can no longer muster up enough reenactors to put on an event for the public. In the 1860s, the war was a young man’s game — the now-older hobbyists who helped to stop the Disney project back in 1994 today are not historically accurate representations of Civil War soldiers, nor are they up to stomping around in the heat wearing wool. The hobby has fallen victim to wokeness, ignorance of and indifference to actual American history, horror at even being slightly associated with the Confederacy, video games, and soy boys who shudder at anything that even whispers of alleged “toxic” masculinity.

So here, we present to you the original article — snarky in 1994, sadly accurate in 2023.

*****

MEMO:

Disney’s Amerika – Vision Statement (Final Draft)

Approved, M. Eisner 5/23/94

Come one, come all to Haymarket, Virginia, land of history, wealthy elitist landowners, narrow-minded small-town rednecks and misguided conservationists. Experience all the majesty, emotion and warmth of AMERIKA, brought to you by the imagineering experts at Walt Disney.

Gaston’s Land of Masculinity: An AudioAnimatronic ™ Betty Friedan invites guests to discuss how Amerika’s history has been corrupted by testosterone-poisoned male stereotypes. Exciting performances of Helen Reddy hits in the Gloria Steinem Auditorium by the Prince Charming Bobbitteers. The shooting gallery (the firearms will be made entirely of orange Day-Glo plastic) features targets representing such Disney reprehensibles as Gaston and the terrible hunters who shot Bambi’s mother.

Differently-Abled Land: AudioAnimatronic ™ representations of the Seven Dwarves, Captain Hook and Generals McClellan and Hood describe the many obstacles overcome by persons of short stature and other handicaps.

Child Labor Land: Cinderella hosts a hands-on educational display of how minor persons supported the morally-questionable war effort of the industrial North during the Civil War. Young guests are invited to roll cartridges for 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sponsored by the Children’s Defense Fund.

The Enchanted Endangered Species Room: Concern for the environment is encouraged by chattering mechanical spotted owls, macaws and bald eagles. [Delete Bald Eagles–they’re no longer endangered – M.E.] Sponsored by the Sierra Club.

It’s A Global Village: AudioAnimatronic ™ Jasmine, Aladdin, and Jungle Book’s Mowgli (a kid with an alternative family if there ever was one) present an Omnimax video tour of the nation’s various ethnic enclaves, featuring their lifestyles and activities. Note that only positive images will be shown–ethnic gang violence will be scrupulously avoided. Sponsored by 7-Eleven/Southland Corp.

The Hall of the President: An AudioAnimatronic ™ President Bill Clinton movingly tells tragic, individual stories of how conventional health care systems fail ordinary Americans while AudioAnimatronic presidents Washington, Lincoln, Eisenhower and Kennedy, standing in the background, nod their heads approvingly. Sponsored by the Democratic National Committee.

Animal Rights Land: Guests are allowed to pull a twenty-mule team through a simulated desert to illustrate the shameful history of Amerikan animal exploitation. Guests may hear a first animal impressionist of Little Sorrel, who narrates his tale of survival during his arduous and meandering 1862 trek of the Shenandoah Valley. The 3-D, 70mm Dolby presentation of Disney’s new feature “101 Pit Bulls – First Bite,” in which Cruella deVille repents of her evil fur-loving ways, is also presented.

The Haunted Amerikan Home: Only the very brave need enter. Radon, lead-based paint, dangerous detergents and cleaning agents, fresh chicken on a wooden cutting board, uncovered electrical outlets and no spout protectors in a slippery porcelain bathtub are featured in this thrill ride. Sponsored by OSHA.

Denounce Racism Land: An AudioAnimatronic ™ Abraham Lincoln narrates an historical overview of wrong thinking in Amerika. Includes 24-hour continuous replayings of the instructional “Song of the South,” with a Disney representative issuing sincere corporate apologies. In the Beulahland Plantation area, Uncle Remus leads guests in a symbolic burning of Nathan Bedford Forest-themed historical art prints, the charter of the Daughters of the Confederacy, and Confederate battle flags. Petitions to remove Confederate soldier statues in nearby Alexandria and elsewhere will be available for signing by guests. Also features school, team, and mascot-renaming contests.

Revolutionary War Land: Guests will be carefully and securely strapped into their seats as a simulator takes them on a fifteen-minute tour of the Revolution–from Paul Revere’s maltreatment of an equine co-inhabiter through the Surrender of Eurocentrics at Yorktown. An AudioAnimatronic ™ George Washington will explain each and every tactical mistake made by himself and other white male patriarchs, including the Founding Fathers’ pesky errors and short-sightedness in writing the Constitution.

Mexican War Land: An AudioAnimatronic Pancho Villa presents the Disney Company’s plans to cede Disneyland back to Mexico, explaining how this is a major first step toward the re-empowerment of Mexico, citing the injustice and tragic results of the 1849 war annexing California from Mexico. Reenactors stage the storming of the Alamo twice daily. Sponsored by Frito-Lay. (Hey, wait a minute. We’d better re-think the part about giving that cash cow over to a third-world country–M.E.)

As the times change, so will Disney’s Amerika. History, after all, is both subjective and fluid. It is also essential for every attraction at Disney’s Amerika to be non-controversial. Disney’s Amerika plans to be on the cutting edge of every new political and historical idea, realizing that the facts are no longer either commonly known by the general public, or even relevant. All attractions are designed to keep that all-important cash flow coming! And if it goes the way of EuroDisney–who cares? This time we’ve stuck the taxpayers with the bill!

[handwritten signature, “Mike”]

Former Fairfax County residents Wes and Cari Clark live the retired life in Ruther Glen, Virginia.

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