‘We’re F***ed!’ Jon Stewart BLASTS Media’s ‘Bulls**t’ With Mueller Probe

WARNING: Jon Stewart used explicit language in his comedy.

On March 17’s edition of The Problem With Jon Stewart, the comedian set his sights on the media as he spelled out how their outdated use of ratings coupled with perverse incentives were driving them into oblivion. And to make this point, Steward focused on how the media was addicted to the largest story of the Trump presidency: Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into the 2016 election, aka the Russia collusion hoax.

Now, Stewart did begin with some shots at Fox News and accusations that they were the source of the outrage at Critical Race Theory and hinted it was an AstroTurf movement. But the bulk of his criticism was for the clowns in the rest of the media who portrayed themselves as the saviors of the world.

“[T]he fourth estate has claimed that they stand ready betwixt America and peril, a bulwark to creeping fascism. Our media, they are the watchers on the wall,” he sarcastically declared. But after playing a clip of CNN’s Don Lemon busting out of a cake on New Year’s Eve (possibly drunk), he lamented: “Well America, it’s been a pleasure. We’re fucked.”

Stewart felt if our media, as it currently stands, was what stood “between America and chaos, we are in trouble.” He deduced that the media was an “institution” that has a massive “distance between its aspirations and its execution.”

“The media keeps informing us how incredibly important they are to our survival,” he said. “But when given crucial informational tasks, they instead build us prisons of what the fuck are you people talking about?”

And to highlight how divorced from reality the media was, he broke down how they covered the Mueller investigation.

After showing clips of the media treating Mueller like a “child of prophecy,” as Stewart described it, he decried how they were “overblowing and elevating the stakes of every moment!” This inevitably devolved into every little thing becoming a “bombshell” development. “Bombshell, hungry people like food. Bombshell. I also have a question: do you think we are fucking stupid,” he demanded to know.

“That’s the responsible, measured way they handled something they actually knew. And then it started getting weird,” he said as the torrent of “if true” speculation began to flow. “There were so many ‘if trues’ in there it was like a high-stakes tarot reading.”

Adding: “But ultimately after two years of speculation and innuendo and flat-out bullshit, they were sure of one thing,” the walls were closing in.

Keeping things in the gutter, Stewart described how the media spent “two years of just edging themselves to a Mueller climax” before the report was released. And he proclaimed the only winner in the investigation was “Satan”:

You motherfucker’s spent two years filled with breaking bombshells and urgent explosions and teed up a season finale for the ages. A noose-tightened, closed-walled, family-style jail-gasm. And all we got was a fucking book report that we had to print ourselves. I owe the producers of Lost an apology. This was the worst finale ever.

“And the craziest part is, throughout the entire time, great reporters were doing impressive work, but you wouldn’t know it because it was all smothered in so much news cum,” he sneered. “And if anything is going to kill our democracy, it’s gonna be news cum.”

And before going his panel discussion, which included Chris Stirewalt, Sean McLaughlin, and Soledad O’Brien, Stewart used some stitched together clips to show why the media do what they do in their own words (see tweet):

He also included this little piece of truth about the media’s motives. pic.twitter.com/yEPdJW3jAu

— Nicholas Fondacaro (@NickFondacaro) March 24, 2022