Tampa Bay Rays’ Small Funeral; Commander Biden Leaves White House; Major Twitter

If Urban Meyer coaches Michigan State next year I’m disappearing into the woods … Giants’ Evan Neal calls out ‘sheep’ fans for booing, suggests they ‘flip hot dogs and hamburgers somewhere’ … Certainly an interesting week in Washington … And just like that, brick-and-mortal Toys R Us stores are back … NFL considering a fine for Jamal Adams … Some of these Taylor Swift-Travis Kelce thinkpieces are overlapping … Jay Mohr recalls almost dying while wrestling Chris Farley … Tampa Bay Rays went out quietly and without much of an audience … 75,000 Kaiser nurses, pharmacists and other workers have walked off the job … Here’s why Twitter is looking a bit different today … Vivek Ramaswamy vs. Chris Christie is an interesting undercard … Missouri high school teacher put on leave after district officials discover her OnlyFans account … Jaylen Brown left-hand truthers unite …

Some things are much older than you think. Here are some of them. [Mental Floss]

Is Sam Bankman-Fried’s defense even trying to win? [The Verge]

We should all aspire to love something as much as Commander Biden loves biting people. He’s got that dog in him. [CNN]

Drew Barrymore’s writers aren’t coming back. [The Hollywood Reporter]

Hell yes, this is how you write a headline. [US Weekly]

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. made an all-time awful baserunning gaffe.

J.T. Realmuto had himself a game as the Phillies advanced to the NLDS.

Kudos to Jimmy Butler for reminding everyone of some forgotten emo songs. Secondhand Serenade — “Fall For You”